Is asking what are we too soon?
Ask when uncertainty is affecting your peace and decisions.
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Ask the question everyone avoids.
The what-are-we question is about alignment, not pressure.
Ready-to-send scripts
StandardI need clarity: what are we right now?
I am not doing undefined dynamics long term. Where do you stand?
Let us define this directly so we know whether to continue.
If they push back
- Avoiding the question is also an answer.
- I am not continuing without clarity.
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FAQs
Can this question scare someone away?
It may filter misaligned people, which can save time.
Should I ask in person instead?
Text is fine to initiate. Move to call if needed.
What if I get a vague answer?
Ask once for clarity. If still vague, treat that as misalignment.
Can I use this message in a phone call instead of text?
Yes. Keep the same core point and shorten it to one or two clear sentences for spoken delivery.
When should I switch to a firmer tone?
Use firm tone after your boundary has been stated clearly and is still ignored. Repeat once, then follow through.
Need deeper support?
These third-party resources can help with communication skills and emotional boundaries.
Boundary Skills Mini Course
Short practical lessons on calm, respectful boundary communication.
View courseCommunication Workbook
Guided prompts for hard conversations without guilt spirals.
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